This one is for the executives. And I will say upfront that this is one of the areas where I see the most well intentioned leaders get it consistently wrong.
Giving feedback to your EA is not the same as giving feedback to a direct report in a traditional management relationship. The EA role is uniquely close, uniquely sensitive, and uniquely dependent on trust and psychological safety. Feedback delivered without that context can do real damage to a relationship that took months to build.
That does not mean you should avoid feedback. Quite the opposite. Your EA needs your feedback to grow and to serve you better. It means you need to be thoughtful about how you deliver it.
Here is what actually works.
Feedback Should Be Regular, Not Occasional
The biggest feedback mistake executives make with their EAs is saving it for formal performance reviews or for when something goes wrong. By then, whatever needed to be corrected has usually been happening for a while, patterns have formed, and the conversation feels heavier than it needs to.
Build feedback into the rhythm of your working relationship. A brief weekly check in where you share one thing that went well and one thing you would like to see done differently is infinitely more effective than a quarterly conversation where you try to cover six months of observations in one sitting.
Regular feedback normalizes the conversation. It stops feeling like a big deal and starts feeling like a natural part of how you work together. That is exactly what you want.
Be Specific. Always.
Vague feedback is not feedback. It is anxiety inducing noise that leaves your EA unsure of what actually needs to change.
“I need you to be more proactive” tells your EA nothing useful. “I would love for you to flag potential scheduling conflicts before I ask rather than waiting for me to notice them” tells them exactly what to do differently and gives them a clear target to aim for.
The more specific you can be about what you observed, what the impact was, and what you would like to see instead, the more actionable your feedback becomes. Specificity is a gift.
Separate the Observation From the Interpretation
When giving feedback, stick to what you actually observed rather than your interpretation of what it means. This is a subtle but important distinction.
“You sent that email without checking with me first and it created a problem with the client” is an observation. “You are careless with client relationships” is an interpretation. The first opens a productive conversation. The second puts your EA on the defensive and makes the conversation about their character rather than their behavior.
Stay with the facts. Describe what happened, describe the impact, and describe what you need instead. Keep the conversation forward looking rather than backward looking wherever possible.
Create Safety for the Conversation
Your EA needs to feel safe enough to receive your feedback without shutting down, and safe enough to ask clarifying questions or share their perspective without fear of consequences.
That safety comes from the overall tone of the relationship. If your EA feels respected, valued, and genuinely supported by you on a day to day basis, they will be able to hear difficult feedback and use it constructively. If they feel like they are constantly walking on eggshells, even gentle feedback will land like a threat.
Check in on the emotional temperature of the relationship regularly. Not just when there is something to address. Ask your EA how they are doing, how they feel about the work, what they need more or less of from you. Make feedback a two way street and the whole dynamic shifts.
Ask Before You Tell
Before you deliver feedback, try asking a question first. “How do you feel that situation went?” or “What would you do differently if you could do that over?” gives your EA a chance to self reflect and often they will identify the issue themselves before you have to name it.
When someone arrives at their own insight they are far more motivated to act on it than when it is handed to them. This approach also gives you valuable information about your EA’s self awareness and their capacity to reflect on their own performance.
Follow Up
Feedback without follow up is just criticism. After you have shared something you would like to see changed, pay attention. Acknowledge it when you see your EA making the adjustment. Note it specifically. “I noticed you flagged that conflict before I had to ask. That is exactly what I was looking for. Thank you.”
That acknowledgment closes the loop, reinforces the behavior, and tells your EA that you were paying attention and that their effort to improve mattered. It is one of the most powerful things you can do as a leader and it takes about fifteen seconds.
The Bottom Line
Feedback is one of the most valuable things you can give your EA. It tells them where they stand. It gives them a clear path to improvement. It signals that you are invested enough in the relationship to have the conversation rather than letting things slide until they become a real problem.
Delivered with specificity, consistency, and genuine care for their growth, feedback strengthens the EA relationship rather than damaging it. It is one of the clearest signals you can send that you see your EA as a professional worth investing in.
And that signal? It comes back to you every single day in how they show up for you.
Are you an executive who has struggled with giving feedback to your EA? Or an EA who has received feedback that really landed well? Share what made it work in the comments.
-Irene
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